


Close Shave

by Johnlocked_lil_shit



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Long Distance Relationship, M/M, occasional smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2016-11-20
Packaged: 2018-09-01 02:10:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8603128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Johnlocked_lil_shit/pseuds/Johnlocked_lil_shit
Summary: Close Shave (informal.)A narrow escape from danger or disaster





	

"Hey Sherlock,pass me the flask,will you?"

Sherlock blindly felt for the flask somewhere behind him and held it out to Will,who took a swig and passed it to the guy next to him.What was his name? The blond doctor.

He passed the flask to Lily without drinking and Will looked at him with disapproval."John," Oh yes,John."Come on,mate.Take a sip.Just one.Stop being a doctor for a few hours."

John hesitated for a moment but then he took it back from Lily and took a sip.Will cheered loudly and Sherlock elbowed him in the ribs."Ugh Will,not so loud!You're ruining the high."

"Yeah yeah sorry," Will murmured.

They were all lying down on the thin mats they had spread on the wet soil of the forest.The ground was cold and there were rocks under them,but they couldn't be more content with their state.There was an explosion of color all around them.The beautiful fall leaves,scattered around,making it look like as if the world was on fire.

Sherlock's mind was finally free after weeks of hard and stressful work,every second filled with anxiety and the fear of the unknown.Sherlock wasn't scared of death.To be good in a job like his,he'd had to overcome his fear of death a long time ago.But there was this other kind of fear,or one might call it excitement,over the unexpected and no matter how long Sherlock lingered around in the battle field or how much he tried to justify things for himself,he still felt something in his chest every time a bomb went off or he heard a gun shot.Something that he couldn't quite explain and hadn't yet understood himself either.

He took a long drag out of his joint and inhaled the smoke.He loved the burning sensation in his lungs.His brain worked slowly and had stopped rushing to gather information about the smallest things.That was the reason he smoked as much as he could while he was away from work.He needed to rest his brain as much as he could,and though the feeling of being high is different for every person,Sherlock turned out to be one of the luckier ones whose brains slow down when high.Otherwise he would've gone mad a long time ago.

He stared at the blue sky above him,clear and so high up,it felt weird.When he was little,he wanted to know about space.As a teenager,he even went as far as to want to become an astronaut. That's no job,Sherlock.You have to have both legs on the ground.Think realistically.The voice in his head still sounded so fresh and close,like it was all yesterday.

Not that he didn't love his job,but he was still fascinated by how the universe worked out and sometimes wondered how things would have turned out if he hadn't chosen to settle his adrenaline addiction by taking photos of dangerous situations people always try to avoid.

That's what he liked about the blond doctor.John,he reminded himself.They only talked a little,but Sherlock knew an adrenaline junky when he saw one.And he didn't get to meet people like that very often.Even in the situations he put himself in,there weren't many people who got the high he got.Not even the ones who worked voluntarily,but he knew John did as soon as he said he worked as a volunteer in war zones.He got the high.

"Hey let's play a game," Will suddenly shouted,sitting bolt upright.

Sherlock,pulled harshly out of his thoughts,and irritated threatened,"I'm warning you for the last time,Will..." in a voice that sounded loud to his own ears but for all he knew he might've been whispering.

Everyone was nodding and making sounds in approval. How wonderful.

"Victor,you go first.Never have I ever..." Will waved his hand encouragingly in the general direction of where Victor was sitting.

Sherlock tried sitting up.He growled as his head span and the nice feeling of being detached turned to an unpleasant churning of his stomach.He stood up with difficulty and announced,"I'm going to take a walk.Who wants to come with me?"

"Sherlock sit down.We want to play!" came Will's protest.

"I really rather not play Never have I ever in this state," Sherlock gave them all a meaningful look and turned to leave.

"Actually," someone said and Sherlock turned to see John getting up and putting on his shoes."I'm coming with you."

Sherlock gave a little half smile and as John joined him and they started walking away,they could hear the teasing tones and laughter of their friends.

"You two will be very happy together."

John scoffed and shook his head.

They walked in silence for a while and Sherlock was secretly grateful because the pounding in his head didn't allow him to think straight.

But then John cleared his throat and said,"So Sherlock...," he glanced at Sherlock as if to confirm he was talking to him.

"Yes?" His voice sounded foreign and husky to his own ears.

"Why do you do what you do?"

Sherlock smiled a little.Right to the point."Same reason you do what you do."

"Oh?" John turned to him."And what is that reason?"

"You're abnormally attracted to dangerous situations.That's nothing to be ashamed of."

"Huh.I think you're putting it politely.Most people would call it being an Adrenaline Junky."

"I am indeed putting it politely," said Sherlock,a hint of a smile in his voice.

John laughed."When did you first know you were like this?"

"I was 16.My boyfriend,Victor -And before you ask,yes the same Victor that just announced us a happy couple back there- got a motorcycle for his 18th birthday and he let me ride it with him.The speed...The rush of blood in my veins and the pounding of my heart in my ears;it was a heady feeling,almost as good as drugs."

"Speaking of which," John started in his doctor voice.

Sherlock cut him off rudely."Please don't feel the need to tell me I'm making a huge mistake inhaling smoke because I know.But do you ever think,for people like you and me,the line between life and death is so thin I feel like I cross it everyday.And what is the point of being careful in my daily habits if everyday there is the possibility of a bomb going off and taking my life,the one I so dearly try to protect?It's boring," Sherlock spat out the last word.

John looked at him in surprise."You can't possibly think that way."

"Why not?"

"Because if you care so little about your life,most possibly your most valuable possession,then there is no point in looking at both sides of the street before crossing it,but you do it anyway, don't you?"

Sherlock fell silent.He didn't know what to say to that.John's answer was highly logical and surprisingly,Sherlock found himself questioning his principals.  
After a while,when they'd walked far enough that there was no one around to be seen,John sat down on a flat rock and inhaled deeply.

"This place is amazing," he said with his eyes closed and some sort of peace overshadowing his face.

"Hmm..." Sherlock said distractedly."I thought you wouldn't like peace and quiet."

John opened his eyes to give Sherlock a questioning look."What's wrong with me?"

"As I said earlier,there is nothing wrong with needing danger.In contrast to what your therapist might tell you.If this is how you think..."

John caught him off."My therapist?"

"Oh yes.You have one,don't you?"

"Yes," John nodded."But how did you know?"

"I just know," Sherlock smiled."As I was saying,if you see this as a healthy life style,one that gives you purpose and peace of mind,then who is to tell you you shouldn't live this way?After all,this is your life,John."

John stared at him,clearly forming another question,but for some reason he decided against asking it.

"Yes,well," John said slowly,"I think I can enjoy the peace and quiet every once in a while as well.Why are you here?"

"Same," Sherlock answered simply.But then he suddenly decided to elaborate on his answer,maybe even open up to John a bit."My brain is racing all the time.It's hyper active.I smoke to slow it down.I come here once a month with these guys to slow it down.I do everything I do to stay sane.I know no other way of living.Not anymore."

"You sound like a man whose dreams have been taken from him," John stated matter of factly.

"No.Not really.You're not going to hear from me how much I wanted to become something else and how it's someone else's fault that I didn't.That after all these years I feel like my life had been sucked into a vacuum cleaner and now at the age of 32 I want to follow my dreams," Sherlock took a deep breath.

"Whoa!"

"Because,you know what John?No matter what you hear people say there is always a choice.No matter how hard a situation is or what obligations there are,one is always responsible for their own decisions and there is absolutely no one else to blame."

John hummed thoughtfully."Maybe so." He scratched his jaw."I thought with things you have seen that you would think differently.But no.You still have that hint of arrogance in you.You know?The one you get when you've grown up in a rich family in a good situation.When generally your parents have been good enough to you that you can't find it in yourself to complain but they didn't give you all that you think they had to.It's like,you think the world owes you something,but guess what Sherlock,there are people out there who don't get the luxury of making choices.There are people who have misery thrust upon them and no matter how hard they try,they can't fix things for themselves.Sometimes because they care too much about their families to take their own lives and leave.They can't bring themselves to leave others in that situation so they think they are destined to live like that forever,along with the ones they love.And sometimes,the same way of living had gone around for so many generations that they know no other way of living.The girls don't know about feminism.When they are sold to a man twice their age because their father needs the money,they haven't had enough money for their food,let alone books,to get their minds to grow,to understand how wrong it is what is being done to them,to know that it's okay to fight back,that change starts from one person. And you give yourself the permission to judge those people's lives because what?You think you've seen everything?No Sherlock,you haven't.You haven't seen it when a father who has abused his children for years is dying and they are still all so sad because they are probably losing the little food they got once a week.Because they don't have the grace to hate their abuser.Because after all,it's their father, they say."

By this point John had tears in his eyes.He wiped his eyes with his sleeve and looked at Sherlock who was standing with his head hung low.

"John I'm...."

"I'm sorry Sherlock," John suddenly said,"I shouldn't have gone that far.I know nothing about you."

Sherlock nodded slowly."That's true.You know nothing about me," he looked John right in the eyes with a challenging look."We'd better get back.They might start wondering what we're doing.I can't handle any more teasing at the moment."

"Right,"John scratched the back of his neck,a nervous habit as Sherlock had gathered,and got up. 

They walked back together in complete silence.


End file.
